Sexual relationships have not become more helpful for our evolution than at any time before. For most the idea is religious dogma that once you found your true soul-mate your prince or princess there is no need any-more to look for anyone else to satisfy sexual or adventure needs.
If you look only a little closer you can see that this is a lie and will never be true – it is an illusion like Communism. Without diversity it all eventually boils down to one kind of pasta and one kind of vine from the shelf – produced without excitement and served without pleasure – just to fulfill the basic needs.
I am sure that there is not one couple in the world that 20 years in a relationship feels anything of the passion it felt when first meeting. Of course it has been often replaced by much appreciation for the companion, for the children, the house, the general comfort but also – without exception – often deeply suppressed something is missing.
All will have an excuse for it like : “You cannot serve 2 Gods at the same time”, “I was very happy in the beginning but I and the relationship is more mature now”, “Nothing could match the satisfaction that a trusting and responsible spouse and sweet children can give”, “God has brought us together to learn how to love and serve each other more and more and thus fulfill his law”, “That’s the way it goes – you cannot stop time”, “Nonsense I am still as attracted and satisfied as on our first encounter – on the contrary it is getting deeper with every year”, “Its good we just have to add a little more attention and energy, maybe take a Tantra course together or do some relationship counseling”… a.s.o.
On the other extreme of the polarity spectrum is the US inspired attitude of the Flower power time “Who sleeps twice with the same partner already belongs to the establishment”. Really this was the US concept of “Use once and then throw away” that they brought to the world in all areas.
Since then people have realized that also this does not lead to a persistent happy life so what remains is that everyone stumbles along with his self-made compromise between both extremes or follows some religious doctrines that are not validated by personal experiences but simply the authority of some scriptures.
You simply cannot supply the adrenalin together with healthy emotions that some sensual encounter can provide, by watching horror movies, following global-tragedies every hour, get the competitive edge in your business lives, get some high by some more shopping and an even higher credit on your cards, put this is the replacements that are in place for most people. (guess I am loosing another 50% of my audience right here)
And you cannot fake the intimate attention that you need so dearly by disclosing another secret on your face-book, eager for jet another like or showing your penis on one of the hundreds of life webcam sites to a stranger OR getting yet another outfit or plastic surgery that you think will make you look younger and even more attractive.
Sexual DLE is one of the many DLE that are essential to health and if negated the related energy has either be diverted to another intense pursuit or it turns sour and will make you sad first and sick later.
But here are rules that this DLE requires to be learned in order to stay an upward evolutionary pursuit and not turn destructive.
It is a juggling act in the best way, and as every tight rope walk it needs some patience to learn the details but most of all it needs a Center-of-Gravity, it needs an unshaking point to come back to at every moment, best and ultimately it is a Sense-of-Self.
In every kind of DLE we are facing we have to find what is our personal center of gravity in this tension field. So in this context “What is your primary relationship” and what does it mean and need to make this an actually lived reality. For example to not think that you would ever share the same amount of time is obvious, but also that you make the timing of these side encounters secondary to anything in that happens in your primary relationship, that you also make it clear to your “case” that this is not going to replace or equal your primary relationship. Like in a Gyro the primary relationship is the axis around which everything revolves and that contains the primary mass and the more aligned and massive this connection the more you can lean out and this will give even more angular momentum – the spin – in fact this mass in the orbit stabilizes it to the highest degree and is not an obstacle – on the contrary. This is why very massive planets like Saturn, solar systems or galaxies have a vast number or moons, planets or suns in their orbits not to distract or de-stabilize them but to give them more DLE .
Just like the moon moves the tides, the weather and millions of biological cycles, one or a few lovers in the orbit of your primary relationship will have a life giving effect – as long as the laws of gravity are observed and a certain distance and orbital momentum is observed – others may burn up in the atmosphere like comets.
And where do you get this alignment and mass that you need to be a Gyro – through as solid Sense-of-Self !