Before talking about perfectionism, maybe it would be appropriate to give a definition of what it means. Or maybe not, since definitions are incomplete and limiting anyway. Or maybe yes, since it would reduce the Babylon of understandings. Well, skip the definition…
Blaming perfectionism for the difficulty to decide which opinion is worth believing or sharing could be an option. On the other hand, since I started working with CoRe, my “yes, but…” mind developed a strong preference for “yes” AND “no” simultaneously, and it seems to find a multitude of options/variants/possibilities in a way that makes choosing a risky adventure.
Can I blame that on perfectionism? Yes and no.
The funny part is that since my recent experience at John of God in Brazil, I am no longer uncomfortable with perfectionism, indecision, ‘not-knowing’. It does not mean that I stopped looking for certainty or I stopped craving for feeling secure. It just means that I don’t experience them as relevant anymore.
Abadiania, April 15.
I stand in the row waiting for my turn to give him my question. An older lady approaches, they talk, he asks for a wheelchair, she sits, he performs a ‘visible operation’ on her…head… brain… What?!
My eyes see blood, sterilized instruments, cut hair, pieces of brain… My mind goes on ‘search’ to try and compute what the eyes send it as information. I am fully awake, aware, attentive.. No judgement, no emotions. Just present to the mind that sorts out and applies several filters of perception… What if it were a trick, like with magicians on stage? Anything under his sleeve? ‘Error.’ What if I am in a trance, trapped in a collective hypnotic state? ‘Error.’ What if because of previous information about his miraculous healings I am mesmerized by his charisma? (science says that the part of the brain that is responsible for vigilance and criticism gets shut off under such circumstances). ‘Error’…’Error’… I keep looking, while the mind keeps searching for an answer that would make the experience ‘true or false’. Eureka! The saving thought appears – “I cannot believe my eyes!”… The information transmitted by the eyes is probably being processed as a simultaneous yes-and-no. Since no decision about ‘true or false’ can be made under such unfavorable circumstances, I just feel like… laughing!
A split second of knowing that I am in the Point where Worlds Touch and from where there is no return. A split second of knowing that not-knowing can be experienced as a high form of understanding.
The ‘operation’ is finished. My turn comes. I give him the little note with the request. He gives me the usual little note he hands out when you arrive in front of him. It’s the ‘treatment’. It says: go to the sacred waterfall. His answer has nothing to do with my request. It has everything to do with my untold wish, since the day I arrived there – to go to the waterfall.
Does he do ‘miracles’? Yes AND no. My understanding so far is that he activates potential and uncovers existing ‘miracles’.
Is this true? Is this false? Error. Irrelevant questions. Experience life from the Point where Worlds Touch. And from beyond that point. And from inside. And…
„Far away in the heavenly abode of the great god Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out infinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel in each ‘eye’ of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering like stars in the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurring.” (description by Francis H.Cook – Hua-Yen Buddhism: The Jewel Net of Indra).
Kiran’s Comment :
Great post Daniela… you have definitely upgraded from a “Yes But” to a “Yes and No” person, welcome to the DLE club…. surgery was successful